A first bout of cardio and a bit of Douglas Adams
(Dec 1st – 7th: 23mins read)
Monday: A 5:15am start to the week. Whoop whoop.
Now, I’m not a big believer in ‘night owl’ and ‘lark’ (early bird) types … I’ve had several periods of being both in my life; I also tried, for a couple of weeks, skipping every second night’s sleep (as a student) … to gain more time to study, be productive during the quiet of the night, or go for a walk, a cycle through the sleeping city – this experiment was doomed to failure, with me falling asleep, snoring, in lectures. What a surprise. So I have no problem in general with circadian rhythms being deep in our genes.
I just think humans are too adaptable to be genetically tied into such a specific sleep type, although I’m sure many will disagree, with plenty of scientists amongst them … but circadian or ‘chronotypes‘ hither and thither, I am currently not an ‘early bird’. Particularly not on a Monday. Not that I specifically have a problem with Mondays per se … buuut, if you’ve had a great weekend, staying up later than usual having great talks Friday, Saturday AND Sunday … and this is then coupled with, say, an early start, it kinda means you’re going to be starting the week with a …
-> “Sleep deficit on Monday: Check!”
Then there’s the morning routine … I mean, yeah, I now have 3 boot liners, so off we gooo for a shower and liner change first thing … and while we’re at it, there are the weighing scales … oh yeah … up about a kilo since the accident. Whoop whoop – again. One part of me says, hell, not even a kilo in 6 weeks, could be worse, you’re still under BMI 25; another part says, nah, it’s actually probably more like 1.5kg fat extra coupled with 1kg muscle atrophy. 🎼 🎤 Aaaalways look on the briiight side of life … 🥹 🙈 😵💫.
Let’s fast-forward through the work day, doing the physio exercises, cleaning up … because the evening brought a pleasant distraction: on the Monday after the first advent, the local pub does a ‘Grünkohl essen’ (it’s a traditional meal for this time of the year, if not actually here in Bavaria, then somewhere in Germany); for the last few years, my partner’s ex-husband and I enjoyed this tradition together (we get on like a house on fire, very similar sense of humour), this year was no different; another mate of ours, a Scottish guy, was also there with a few others. This guy – let’s call him Tony … essentially because that’s his name – knows a thousand and one jokes; unfortunately, even the ones he’s told me several times just don’t stick, but I got him to repeat this limerick often enough for me to at least get it down in my iPhone Notes app:
“There once was a fellow called Bryte,
Who could travel much faster than light.
He went out one day,
In a ‘relative’ way,
and came back the previous night!”
Ok, it’s not going to win any comedy awards … but it contributed to an infectious atmosphere -> I stayed too late, had three beers on top of the food, plus a Schnapps (just to help the digestion, of course, as they say here), forgot my mobile for the first time and didn’t notice until after I’d been dropped off home (my life-saving middle son legged it over and rescued it for me); on returning home I made the spectacularly stupid decision of not doing the sensible thing (going to sleep), but staying up and watching a couple of episodes of Stranger Things (in the meantime on the 4th series). This, no doubt, contributed to the first ‘downer’ of a day since my injury. But just a second … before I dive into that, let’s look at a few of the high points of the day.
Positive Moment(s): Actually managed a reasonably relaxed shower and boot liner change first thing in the morning between my youngest son and my middle son showering – result! Went out for a great meal in the evening at a local pub with a couple of mates and some of their friends. Oh yeah … said that one already.
Milestone(s): So, kinda ditto – first early morning shower and boot liner change as part of the morning routine; later on, coming back from work, I walked the 1.7km from the train station to my apartment in one (albeit slow) go with no rest (and it wasn’t a challenge, or anything, I just didn’t need a break).
Tuesday: Did I mention that I went to bed too late last night? Without a shadow of a doubt … the alarm clock nevertheless didn’t give a shit and still went off at 5:15am. Sometimes I really can be a doofus.
From there it didn’t really get much better: it was just like a non-stop merry-go-round, first making sandwiches for the youngest, coffee for the middle son, rushed shower routine before my middle son hit the shower, out the door with him, off to my partner’s, go through the work emails and Teams messages while she went for a walk with our dog -> fast forward to first ‘real’ session of physio (instead of lunch), i.e. with manipulation / massage of calf muscle and uncomfortably close to the rupture site (9cm from insertion) … local PT has had ‘a few cases of Achilles rupture’ over the years, but not a single non-op; I’m feeling a little uncomfortable … no pain, probably just another ‘first time’ uneasiness at new experiences, but doesn’t change how I’m feeling.
Walk home – at least the weather’s nice; more emails, meetings through until after 6pm with a hurried shopping trip in-between; knowing that I’ve ‘got a date’ with another 5° adjustment on the VACOped 🥹 doesn’t help my mental state, after the sooo intense pulling from yesterday. A short break with my feet up after shopping, then the ankle mobility exercises (this is the non-negotiable part of my day for me) whilst my middle son makes mac’n’cheese for our dinner … and then comes the ‘fizzle out’ after a few seated (non-weighted) mini calf raises at the end. Feeling rather defeated, even down, I move the ‘lower body strength’ unit into ‘not met’ category, decided I’m just done for today. Not a great feeling … and it’s so early on in the recovery journey, just taking the first baby steps (says my mind) … buuut tomorrow’s another day (with hopefully a much better night’s sleep). That perspective helps a little, the ‘avoiding me beating myself up’ tactic.
So, I can’t pin this ‘downer’, this ‘fizzling out’, on any one thing that happened during the day – for sure the lack of sleep, alcohol the night before, the merry-go-round of stress – those are the kind of ‘no-brainer’ parameters. But I think perhaps the main contributing factor was that the stretch today felt really heavy-duty, worse than yesterday, as I take the first steps on the 30°-15° sliding setting: I can’t even go beyond 50% PWB with both crutches as I do 100 paces in the apartment on each side, before (with relief) I take ‘the dorsi-stopper’ on the boot back from 15° to 20°. It’s just 5 fucking degrees. But it makes my stomach turn just thinking about it. The only help really is knowing it was bad last week too, and I got through that; that’s a very ‘dampened’ help, though, as it wasn’t this bad last week … and, despite my generally positive mindset, I can’t help but dread that it’s going to be even worse next week.
Positive Moment(s): As hard as it is on a day like this to be positive, I am really grateful for my sons’ support, cleaning in the kitchen, cooking some great food (and bringing me a plateful in bed) – in fact, just grateful for my family, period.
Milestone(s): First ‘proper’ physio session with the PT (new one today) really working on my affected calf; first missed ‘Lower Body Strength’ training unit from Chris at Achilles Rebuild.
Wednesday: Awake again at 5:15am with the iPhone alarm … beginning to feel a little like ‘Groundhog Day‘ (that thought made me at least smile a little as I ‘snoozed’ the iPhone a couple of times).
At some point, my still-sleepfogged brain realised it was too quiet (I can normally hear my 15yr old moving about / singing / whatever) … and yep, he’d overslept (another reason I am getting up with him). Up until today he’s always gotten up with zero problems this school year (absolute 180 degree turnaround compared to 12 months ago … he had to drag himself out of bed, or rather I had to), similar to his pre-Christmas school report (this year really great, last year an absolute disaster). Problem today was writing a poem about our town yesterday evening: typical for our family, procrastination -> at 7pm he was asking for some inputs / feedback (of course it’s due this morning); as a result, he hit the hay too late. Anyway, I digress … just for a change 😅 …
So, an early start, and then it took an hour and a half to get to work – not really that stressful a journey per se (lots of help being driven, train ride was warm and uneventful, this ‘travel time’ included 10mins in a cafe for a coffee waiting for my colleague to give me a ride to the office), but still, simply a long journey given that it takes me around 25 mins with a car (30-35 mins with my e-enduro).
Then we had multiple visitors at the office as well as a trip to a local supplier … again, nothing really stressful – yes, we’re debugging a project-based problem, but it’s something I’ve done many times; sitting in a meeting room for over 2 hours was tough on the booted-foot and walking was a bit ‘non-flowy’ today but nothing terribly dramatic; lunch was a pizza on my colleague’s sun lounger … so really no room to complain … at all. Nevertheless, I was feeling tired as 3pm approached … so I caved in and accepted the offer of my young colleague (actually my eldest daughter – she works with me in the same team) to drive me home – as already said: I’ll happily accept help when I feel I need it … and today was one of those days.
A couple of hours of meetings and emails from the ‘home office’ followed; a short chillout and feet up on the bed … then it was time for the Achilles Rebuild ankle mobility unit (with weightless seated calf raises since Saturday) – yesterday I abandoned the calf raises as they felt ‘edgy’, today they were just solid … a little bit challenging, but solid. Crazy what a difference all those ‘life parameters’ (like enough sleep – duuuh) actually make.
I also received a little force measurement tool (you could call it a suitcase weighing device, I guess) with which I was going to try and make some of the exercises I do a little more trackable – it also provided the perfect possibility to weigh the VACOped finally … I’d found varying numbers on the web, my (person) weighing scales at home are no good for something this light and I didn’t really feel like using my cooking scales for it (which in any case only go up to 1kg).
Result: 1.6kg.
After a short break on the bed again, I opened up the VACOped to 15°, got some music going on my bluetooth earphones, started my sport app, grabbed my crutches and off I went (slowly) on the 500 step ‘acclimatisation’ round in the flat. Again, a completely different kettle of fish compared to yesterday: the pulling sensation in the tendon still made (makes) my stomach turn / skin crawl a bit … BUT I went from 50% PWB crutching to almost 100% FWB by the end of the apartment walk, no pain, pulling sensation massively reduced. Was absolutely comparable to exactly 7 days ago. Faith restored – lesson reinforcement: listen to your body / gut-feeling … plus “Tomorrow’s another day …”! Oh yeah … and get enough sleep. Struggling with that this week, definitely.
BTW: I’m having a real problem trying to explain to others what it feels like, this ‘pulling’ or ‘slow tugging’ of the tendon when ‘opening up’ the boot; combined with another short night, worries after yesterday’s physio session, bad feelings from yesterday, etc., I was, for the first time since the injury, actually really close to tears in the car this morning as I was trying hard to explain to my partner, in German, why I wasn’t doing well this morining. For sure, yesterday was the biggest ‘downer’ of my post-injury trip so far … but by the time evening came I had thankfully bounced back.
Positive Moment(s): The smiles and greetings I get at the bakery where I occasionally grab a coffee and a bite to eat in the morning; the support I get from people at work; super uplifting: a guy called Ben posted a fantastic short film about his recovery trip (Reddit, 19 months recovery) / on YouTube. Then there’s the MUSIC (what would life be without that?!?!): yet another excellent, uplifting set from DJ Marsh … not only do I love his music selection and mixing talent, he just looks (and seems) to be a really nice person – go surf his sets, I’ll probably link some individual tunes later (or ‘go back in time’ and plant some links in earlier journal entries 😁 😎 !).
Milestone(s): My train ride to work a) left on time, b) wasn’t delayed, and c) arrived on the dot 😁 😎 !
Thursday: Did I mention already that my weekday is currently starting at 5:15am … ?
Physio was moved at short notice due to the planned PT being sick so was seen by yet another (for me new) PT; she gave me an exercise to do on top of what Chris the Achilles Rebuild guy has in my personal program – took a short vid of this to get his view on it, his reaction was positive: “love it – great drill and I do love lots of reps throughout the day, I’m more than ok with that!”. Am really comfortable / happy with this parallel path of local physio for hands-on stuff and Chris remote with his expertise: with the continuity (and availability!) Chris provides, I’m not so bothered about being passed from one pair of hands to another in the local practice … perhaps it’s even advantageous.
(a force / weight measurement tool to ‘satisfy’ my engineer’s brain 👨🔬
Later on that day, it was, of course, time for the boot adjustment again. After ramping up the number of daily steps walked (in the apartment) with the boot opened up to 30°-15°, I hit 1.000 steps today (500 per leg); initially, I still had to use both crutches with not much better than 50% PWB, but by the time the 1.000 steps were finished, it was almost relaxed, with virtually FWB. Confidence boost – yay 👏 💪 🙌 🙏 !
Oh yeah … via Reddit I have gotten in touch with a small handful of fellow ‘rupturees’, in case I didn’t already mention this (there goes that goldfish bowl memory again 😅). One of them in the Netherlands shared, amongst other things, a link to a paper on the idea of “Cross-Education” (CE), a term coined by Walter W. Davis (1899!): in a nutshell, (some types of) training the non-affected side of a body can positively influence the non-trained affected side of the body. There are lots of ‘if’s ‘but’s and ‘maybe’s, a grillion papers to read on the subject … buuut hell, it’s yet another reason to keep up all types of one-sided training you can still do without any direct risk to the injured side, I’d say!
The same guy also introduced me to a small but excellent feature on the iPhone – as blindingly obvious as it was to me how cool this is, when he sent me a screenshotvideo (or screen recording) of his steps on his mobile, I had never thought to go look for this feature. Here’s a link to the Apple support side showing just how quick and easy it is to use this feature; to the left I’ve used it to show my ‘steps profile’ since just before my injury.
Positive Moment(s): The same guy from the Netherlands again shared with me today a short video of him getting out of his car and walking to his front door – the first PWB steps he’s made since the injury … I feel honoured that people share moments like this, I take real pleasure in being a witness of such positive moments!
Had a great physio session this time – a lovely lady, an avid snowboarder her whole life, she told me about an accident she had as a very experienced snowboarder: while in the mountains with her son, who was just learning, she took a long, slow curve on an easy blue run … and slipped out, hit the ground sprawling, and in doing so, completely dislocated her arm out of her shoulder joint, rupturing pretty much everything you can while doing so; horrific pain followed (she has given birth to two children and she said that accident was miles worse than both put together) as well as a helicopter flight to an emergency clinic; operations and rehab followed … but, she said, the one thing she never even thought about was whether she was going to stop snowboarding or not. In fact, it didn’t even occur to her to consider it until someone suggested she’d probably never return to snowboarding, what with the injury and all. That was a few years ago; she returned to the sport the next year and is snowboarding ‘as if nothing had happened’. THAT’s my positive moment … one filled with hope and tenacity.
Milestone(s): The small physio practice I’m going to has its own ‘fitness studio’ area. It’s not necessarily filled with ‘cutting edge’ trendy devices like the ‘Alter G‘, but for a small sum, one can come and go as one pleases, and have a training plan ‘cut to size’ without being bothered by a whole bunch of steroid fitness freaks. I’ve only just started … and 15mins @ 60W is not exactly a performance likely to get me into the Tour de France 😅 … buuuut it was great to kick off this (cardio) part of my recovery journey. I am absolutely set on ‘coming out the other side’ of this injury being fitter than when I started … “The longest journey starts with a single step.”
Friday: Another early start.
And today I’m heading into the office … trying to get into a rhythm of Mon/Wed/Fri (minimum half days, at least). Plus we had another visitor, too, which was another reason to make the (2x) 70+ minutes trip.
As usual on a workday, a coffee at my partner’s (and btw, I do mean a coffee 😅) was followed by a drive to the train station. What was unusual today was that I was greeted by Santa Claus, who gave me a little marzipan sweet and wished me a nice trip from the rail company. Brought a smile to my face ☺️.
The visitor at work got a (very short) tour of our location … ‘very short’ not because I don’t like him, but because there are only 12 of us there; leave out the offices and you have a lab room (for electronic work, no chemicals), a noise-proofed ‘rack room’ where our products whir away (after a move this summer FINALLY in their own room to give the engineers a semblance of peace and quiet), a small workshop for the little mechanical work we do plus a 3D printer room (think I’ll dive into the topic of 3D printing at a later point … it is a fascinating topic with endless possibilities!).
The trip home this time, due to the impending move of my partner keeping her busy, meant walking from the station to my flat again … buuut it’s getting easier and easier, really no big deal in the meantime; despite a little snow, it was not unpleasant and I squeezed in a call with an old work acquaintenance while I walked. Drove my step count up to over 7.5k. Tomorrow I’ll take it easier. Promise 😅.
Positive Moment(s): Once safely back home, after the ankle mobility and (shifted from Thursday) lower body strength routines, towards the end of the day, I opened up the boot to 15° again, did the rounds of my apartment and saw, yep, pretty much like last week now (maybe a little tougher). So, went to bed with it at that setting.
Milestone(s): First normal Friday back at work since the injury, a return to me spending more days in the office than at home during the work week.
Saturday: The good thing about this morning: no alarm. The bad thing about this morning: I nevertheless woke up aaaat … (you guessed it incorrectly) 5:00am. Turns out I might be turning into an early bird. Yay.
Sometimes you could really think the universe is trying to screw you over. That is, until you take into account that the universe neither knows nor cares wether you exist or not.
“Space is big. Really big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist, but that’s just peanuts to space.”
Douglas Adams
Without wanting to get into an existential discussion, or questions about faith in general, I believe getting some perspective on just how tiny and irrelevant not only we as people are, but also the planet Earth, the solar system, even the whole galaxy our solar system ‘resides in’ is in comparison to the universe.
Although there are many newer, more fantastic pictures than this one, this one is a good starting point for a thought experiment in this direction: it was created in 1995 with many exposures of the same section of sky – this section was tiny. How tiny? Hold tight …. it was equivalent to a tennis ball viewed at a distance of 100 metres. I mean, that’s pretty tiny, riiight?
And then you have to think that every little tiny speck of light in that picture is not a star, but rather at minimum a galaxy consisting of millions of stars (like our sun in our galaxy) on average. Then think again about how tiny a piece of our sky that picture represents. And then reconsider whether the universe really has it out to get you. Don’t think so.
Anyway, end of digression … today, my partner moves into her new flat in the centre of town: ground floor instead of second floor (without a lift). I am naturally gutted that I can’t help with … I think it’s the 27th (?) move in her life. Well, I can help a little: look after our little dog so she’s out of the way. THAT I can happily do whilst I do some typing and reading, then some exercises too, of course …
Actually, I don’t mind helping with other peoples’ moves … I’d rather do that than move house myself. I’ve averaged something like 3-4 times helping with moves per year since I met my partner. Somehow, knowing that you’re only ‘in it for the one day’ makes it pretty harmless; man, I’ve even had a bundle of laughs … plus I’ve met knew people, seen a glass tabletop shatter into a billion pieces, a (full) shoe cubpoard be up-ended to carry downstairs (resulting in a shoe-shower), and a loooong list of other things, most of which one can laugh about (at least later on). So, although I’m kinda, in a lazy sort of way, glad I’m not in on it, I feel a little left out at the same time. Weird. But then, there’s that tendon thing, riiight? So I guess I’ll take the ‘sick pass’ and chill today.
This ‘chilled’ day gave me lots of time to write and research, to carry on collating useful infos. This included watching a relatively long YouTube video featuring Keith Barr, a seemingly well-known worldwide expert on tendons – the title ‘Tendons Heal Faster Than Muscles’ is, of course, click-bait and only a very ‘stretched’ truth. BUT it is well worth watching, even if you skip quite a lot of the bla-bla about calisthenics. Keith goes into, for example, why way more men tend to rupture more often than women (it’s NOT due simply to us being dummer 😅), and supplements like vitamin C, collagen and others (as well as the timing of their consumption).
I wasn’t just chilling, being inactive the whole day though. There were the ‘non-negotiable’ ankle mobility exercises to do, of course … and this range has now been extended to include band-resisted eversion, inversion and plantarflexion moves, plus the seated calf raises now include a small weight. These changes have beeen made on the basis of communication with / videos I’ve sent to Chris in the US, allowing him to judge how my tendon is coming along and adjust the mobility unit accordingly; these changes flow into the app he provides you with … this app also allows one to move, for example, a strength unit from one day to the next, if necessary, or include reps, weights to individual exercises.
Then there was my ‘mini-struggle’ with the 15° on the VACOped – I made several ’rounds’ of the apartment with crutches … each time I lay around on the bed for a couple of hours, despite occasional flexing and moving my ankle/foot without load, it seemed like it was almost ‘back to the drawing board’ with regards to the ‘pulling’; being a little more objective, it was getting a bit better, though, with each of the rounds and, as I walked over to my partner’s new flat (now she’s about 900m away, instead of just 300m), I was more or less just ‘feathering’ the crutches as I walked, rather than putting any significant weight on them. So, I think it’s about ‘cracked’ … even if it does seem to be ‘taking me longer than it should’ – the physios, Chris included, have said not to rush things if I don’t feel ready. This is comforting … and nevertheless, I’m getting more and more keen on the idea of getting out of the boot, and THAT ain’t gonna happen before I’m further down the road on getting the VACOped to 0° (at which point the protocols pretty much all say, time to wean off the boot, whether it’s at 8, 10 or 12 weeks) -> time to grit my teeth, do it slowly, yes, but DO IT 💪 !
Positive Moment(s): Having our dog with me the whole day – sorry, if you’re not a dog-lover, and I keep mentioning her … but she’s just the best thing in the world and I feel a bit sorry for anyone who doesn’t have a dog, or even worse, doesn’t like them – those people (may you not be one of them 🙏 ) are REALLY missing out. Saturday evening: the first evening in my partner’s new apartment, chilled on the sofa, homemade chilli and a (single) beer before going to bed at a reasonable time.
Milestone(s): Finally leaving the VACOped ROM set to 30°-15° (except for a short walk outside with our dog around lunchtime … that was worrying me a little, with the chance of walking over unenven grass or something) – I’ve resigned myself to a (very) short period of using both crutches, probably ‘fading away’ to free walking tomorrow. I hope.
Sunday: Well, at least I didn’t wake up at 5:00am this morning … nope, I ‘slept through’ until a glorious 6:00am … another “Whoop! Whoop!” – can I here you say, “Yeah!!” ?!
Still, it was nevertheless a very positive start to the day in my partner’s new flat before heading out back to my ‘shared appartment’ situation with my two younger lads: the 27 yr old was now well and truly sick, after being a bit ‘wobbly’ yesterday … so I made him some honey’n’lemon (accidentally with too much lemon juice 😬 😵💫). And THEN I thought … why not make us all a REALLY healthy brunch of natural yoghurt plus all the other good ingredients (turmeric, black pepper, linseed, chia seeds, hemp and almond protein powders, ginger, chocolate oat crunch and fresh apple) … ? I asked first – better not to waste anything – and got a ‘thumbs up’ from both of them. So I got to work:
The ‘main item on the afternoon program’ was being picked up by my bouldering / climbing trainer friends to spend an afternoon at the boulder gym (where I’d managed to send myself on this ‘wonderful journey’); my potential son-in-law would be coming too. I was asked how come it didn’t ‘itch’ to see people bouldering when I loved the sport so much? Both an easy and a difficult question to answer, to be honest: I can happily watch others bouldering, at all levels in all situations, without needing or wanting to join in (most people can, actually, simply proven by the ‘competition’ format where 99% of the ‘participants’ literally just watch); on top, however, of course I want to get back to bouldering … but it’s simply a long way off in the future, for good reasons, so it doesn’t bother me, much the same as not being able to drive. Now, if I couldn’t walk (limp, with or without crutches), travel by bus / train / much appreciated lift from loved ones, well, THAT would be a way bigger deal – being mobile is the most important thing, being able to walk again in normal shoes is going to be soooo good.
After the ‘bouldering session’, my colleague (and possibly son-in-law 😜 ) drove us me home where I made us all some Lemon Chicken Soup (plus buttered toast, of course); an ankle mobility routine followed, with 2kg on my affected knee … still no problem 🙏 💪 ; the lower body strength unit got moved to tomorrow … with the accompanying knock-on effect for Tue/Thu -> Wed/Fri.
Positive Moment(s): Getting spoiled by my partner with breakfast in bed 😁; my lads at home loving my brunch I made for them; a brilliant afternoon with a bunch of friends at the boulder gym plus various good talks,
Milestone(s): Checked in ‘officially’ at the boulder gym for the first time since the injury – they had very kindly suspended my annual season ticket after my injury … this week I asked them to switch it to ‘live’ again as I intended to start upper body and core training (plus I have the target of climbing a first automatic belay route around Christmas), which they did; as a first stage, I did a ‘tendon-preparation’ mini-routine consisting of a few eccentric dips, pull-ups, chin-ups and fingerboard hangs:
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